Joys of Owning a Dog by Mr. Wishy-Washy

I haven't had a dog since my early teens. We had three or four. They either died or ran away from home; without taking their favorite toys. I've known several people since then that insisted on torturing themselves by buying one, either for themselves, or a child. Let's go through the phases of torture.

Acquisition: Most get them at the local S.P.C.A. Why would anyone want to listen to 20 - 30 howling dogs. During a full moon, it must be even worse. It almost always gets down to a choice of three. Never just one. After deciding on the new addition to the family, all express their joy; except, maybe the one footing the bill.

The Initial Costs: The cost of the dog. The required shots. The doghouse, maybe. The dog's sleeping basket and blanket. Toys. Initial stock of dog food..... Of course, the bigger the dog, the higher the cost. You're finding out early that your new resident is going to be very high maintenance — like having Paris Hilton for a girlfriend.

The On-going Costs: A constant replacement of food. I've often wondered, how long do those 25-pounds bags of kibble last with a Great Dane or St. Bernard? A week? Three day? Three hours? Other costs include more shots, visits to the vet, haircuts and nails clipped, obedience school, possible replacement of furniture and/or carpets.....

Regrets: Your female dog gets pregnant (out of wedlock). More costs for birthing. You can sell them; won't get much money for them though, because you bought a mongrel. You may end up with a constant barker. The smaller the dog, the closer to a guarantee it is. "Exercising" your dog while holding a plastic bag. Did you ever have a dog you just couldn't house-train? We had one. Pissed on the furniture all the time.

If I was forced to make a choice between getting another dog or another wife? ....Gads, I hope I'm never caught in that predicament.

All in all, it may have be worse. You could have decided on a cat.

© 2008 by James M. Britvich All Rights Reserved