Death of a Civilization by Mr. Wishy-Washy

After doing such mundane things as inventing the internet and starting a voo-doo program to save Earth  — which is making him lots of money — Al Gore says he's taking some time off to indulge in one of his hobbies, studying the Inca culture of the Quechuan people. Yeah, right. The only culture he knows about is in yogurt.

Instead of reading about it though, earlier this year he packed up an expedition and traveled in a well-equipped ship with lots of air conditioner units, to the shores of Peru. Now comes the hard part. Sloughing through the hot steamy jungles with Peruvian natives cooling him off using hand-held fans. The feathers were from the rare Peruvian Phoo-Phoo bird. Doesn't matter. His comfort in saving Earth is of paramount importance -- even at the expense of making the Phoo-Phoo bird the next dodo bird.

He had a guide and interpretor to sell the natives on "saving the planet". He started out okay, but lost them on the idea of paying for their carbon footprints. Using their index finger circling around their ears to each other, they said, "Why should we pay for them. We leave footprints on the land for free." Al thinks to himself, 'this is going to be a hard sell'.

For five excruciating days, his party cut a swathe through an area of the Peruvian jungles seldom traveled. He wanted to find a temple never before seen by any outsider, including the Conquistadors. "This must be the epicenter of global warming. I wonder if this place ever suffered from global cooling in the 1970s", Al is reported to have said. He lets out with a big laugh. "We should have made this expedition in the 1970s when it was a lot cooler."

On the fifth day, they came upon the site of a temple. There he saw his dream come true. (Imagine the theme of the movie, "2001", playing). "I knew it. I just knew it. That's what really killed off the Inca Empire!", Al Gore said, while looking in awe at the temple. There, on an altar was a pristine SUV. Right next to it a 5-gallon can of gas. "Probably brought here by some aliens from outer space. They must have coated it with a special sealant to keep it in such good shape and keep the pollutants at bay." (End music). He figured if he can have it analyzed, he'll be able to help save Earth....again; and incidentally, make lots of money doing it.

© 2007 by James M. Britvich All Rights Reserved